RETIRE PROTOCOL INITIALIZED
A small green character sitting in a glowing field under the word RETIRE
SOLANA / PUMP.FUN / STATUS: TOUCHING GRASS
$RETIRE

Never work
again.

Buy a coin. Hold it. Touch grass forever.

Retire now Follow on X Read the lore
CA dropping soon — paste the contract here
SCROLL

THE DREAM — SAME ONE EVERY TIME

01No more alarms.
02No more meetings.
03No more asking for days off.
Just you. Your bags. And enough to finally do whatever you want.
The mascot watching a sunrise over green hills
08:14 — no alarm went off

Wake up. Open your phone. Check the wallet. Realise the 9-5 has nothing left to threaten you with.

Pump.fun just gave us a new narrative.

01 / BUY

Buy the coin.

One ape. Thirty seconds. Fewer forms than a mortgage.

02 / HOLD

Hold it.

Holder rewards do the commuting for you.

03 / LEAVE

Walk outside.

The grass is right there. It has been the whole time.

WHAT WE SAY

The dream

  • Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the ride.
  • Charts closed. Notifications off.
  • Long-term conviction, obviously.
  • Grass: touched.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS

The degen reality

  • Refresh chart. Refresh chart again.
  • Open Pump.fun for the fifth time this minute.
  • Sell the bag. Announce freedom. Hunt the next 100x.
  • Grass: viewed through a window.

Nobody really stops checking. That is the joke, and we are all in on it.

LIFE AFTER THE 9-5 — DOCUMENTED

We bought a coin and never worked again.

Not retired after forty years of service. Retired after one good ape and a decision to stop pretending we were busy. 🌱

The $RETIRE mascot, seen from behind, sitting in grass

THE ONLY DATA THAT MATTERS

TICKER$RETIRE
CHAINSolana
LAUNCHPump.fun
STATUSTouching grass
ALARMS SET THIS WEEK0
MEETINGS ATTENDED0
CHARTS REFRESHED TODAY0
MINUTES OF GRASS TOUCHED0
CONTRACT dropping soon — paste the contract here
The mascot on a cliff under a sky full of stars

Maybe one day one of us will actually make it.

Until then — we keep searching. We keep aping. We keep dreaming.

BUY $RETIRE